


I've been waiting for so long

by Bereee



Series: GMMTV_actors_fanfics [8]
Category: Thai Actor RPF, offtay - Fandom, ทฤษฎีจีบเธอ | Theory of Love (TV) RPF, รักไม่ระบุสถานะ | Dark Blue Kiss (TV) RPF
Genre: Crying, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Misunderstandings, OffTay, Unrequited Love, a little smut, not OffGun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28224216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bereee/pseuds/Bereee
Summary: [not OffGun, but read it because it's cute?]Tay found Off drenched in tears. This view hurt him immensely, he didn't know if he ever saw his best friend cry. Tay wanted to yell at whoever was responsible for that, but right now he needed to be there for Off. So he reached out and embraced the sobbing man, pulled him at his chest and never wanted to let go.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Tay Tawan Vihokratana
Series: GMMTV_actors_fanfics [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783003
Comments: 19
Kudos: 37





	1. When you're lying here in my arms

_POV Tay_

**Present**

It was nearly 11 pm and Tay started to get ready to go to bed. He was rather tired after a long day at GMMTV building. He put on his sleeping shirt but stayed in his boxers, since it was a hot night. He cleaned his teeth and did his skin care routine. As soon as he lay down in bed, his doorbell rang. Who could it be? He climbed out of bed and went to the speaker.

“Hello?” He didn’t get any answer at first, but then he thought to hear a sob.

“It’s Off…” 

Off? What was he doing here? His best friend sounded as if he was crying. His voice was silent and raspy. Tay’s heart started racing, he was really concerned for his friend.  
“What is going on? Come up, I’ll open for you.” His hand was shaking as he pushed the open button. He had another 3 minutes before Off would arrive at his floor. He looked down at himself and checked if he looked presentable. He only ran his hand through his hair and prepared himself emotionally to see his best friend, who apparently was crying.

Then it knocked.

_POV Off_

**One year ago**

Off didn’t know how it exactly happened, but after all these years working together with Gun and being his couple partner, he found himself falling in love with his small friend. The feelings must have grown over the years and now that they saw each other so often, it became clear to Off. And surprisingly he was happy! He didn’t freak out at all, although it was a totally new experience for him. He only enjoyed Gun’s company, his laugh and mostly his clingy behavior. Compared to the past, now he was so looking forward to Gun’s neck kisses and holding hands with him. Also Off himself started to tease Gun and the fans by flirting back and testing his boundaries.

Off’s good mood was apparent and so the last year was one of the most beautiful ever, their friendship developed so good as soon as Off acknowledged his feelings to himself. He was also really convinced that Gun liked him back. From the beginning Off assumed Gun to be gay and all these years nothing happened that changed his mind. And the way Gun looked at him was a sufficient answer for him.

**Present**

So Off decided to confess to Gun. He booked a table in an elegant restaurant for them and prepared some flowers at his apartment for later. Gun agreed of course, always happy to spend time with his Papii. 

Off was sitting at the table, starting to be nervous. He was wearing nice trousers and a shirt, for once not with any print, and put on some makeup and lipstick. Gun was already a little late but Off was so euphoric that he didn’t mind. He would have a boyfriend in a few hours!

“Papii! Sorry that I’m a little late.” Gun entered and sat himself at the table opposite to Off. They had a little area for their own, since Off was not eager of fans seeing them. He didn’t know if it was going to be okay to reveal their relationship yet.

“Wow what a nice restaurant!” Gun smiled. “Did I miss something? Is it somebody’s birthday?”

Off laughed at Gun’s cuteness and shook his head.

“Can the two of us not have a nice dinner together?”

“Of course! I am so happy about it.” And so he reached over the table to squeeze Off’s hand. Gun expected Off to pull away his hand, but the older one even placed his free hand on top of Gun’s and started caressing it. Gun smiled but suddenly pulled away his hand, wondering about Off’s action.

Off’s heart was beating quickly now. They ordered their food and had a pleasant conversation while eating. Actually Off was not sure if he should tell Gun now or later at home. He decided to see where the conversation lead them.

“…and then she ran against the streetlight!” Gun just told a funny story about one of his friends and broke into laughter. Off loved it and said: “I love your laugh.”

“Oooii thanks Papii, don’t make me shy. Yours is also really sweet!”

“You know I love a lot about you.” Off grinned at Gun, whose face changed into a surprised one. But Off just went on: “You are so cute and funny, but also responsible and hard working. We have known each other now for a long time and I realized that you are the most important person in my life.” Off inhaled heavily. “I love you Gun.”

What followed was silence. Off still had a small smile on his face, waiting eagerly for a reply. Gun seemed to be frozen, looking totally dumbfounded. He swallowed and then only said: “What?”

Off reached now over the table and took Gun’s hand in his, slowly caressing him and playing with the sparkling rings he wore for some month now. “I love you. I know it already for some time and found it now the right time to tell you.”

Still Gun didn’t smile and Off slowly became a little unsure. He felt his hands become sweaty or was it Gun’s he was still holding?

“Are you serious?” Off only nodded. The next thing Gun did was pulling away his hand, placing them both on the table in front of him and looking down on them. Off knew something was wrong. This was not the way he expected it to go: Gun should actually have broken into tears by now, fallen into his arms and said how much he loved him back. 

But Gun seemed shocked and not positive about his confession.

“Don’t you have anything to say in return?” Off still tried to sound happy, but he struggled.

“Off, I…”

Gun immediately was aware of his mistake and looked up. Off’s face fell the moment he heard Gun calling him by his name, so that his expression was distorted, something between still laughing but also hurting and disappointment.

“Papii, sorry! I was deep in my thoughts.”

Off still kept silence and so Gun continued.

“I…thank you first of all for being honest and talking about your feelings.”

Gun broke the eye contact and looked down on his hands again. He struggled finding the right words and was visibly emotional. Off’s thoughts started racing. This all felt so wrong, it shouldn’t turn out this way.

Gun looked up again. “But I cannot return your feelings.”

Off’s ears were ringing, and he felt like suffocating. He couldn’t understand what was happening. 

“What?...why? I thought…” His voice cracked and now he looked down at his hands, trying to hide his commotion. 

“Shit, I’m sorry! I never wanted to make you any hopes, I am a touchy person and we are an imaginary couple…” Gun was trying his best to explain himself feeling totally helpless and looking at Off who still didn’t look up. So Gun stood up and hurried to his friend.

Off felt his world break a little and hardly noticed Gun who touched his shoulder. He felt like crying but couldn’t allow it to himself. He took a deep breath and looked up, right into Gun’s dark eyes. Gun looked as miserable as Off felt.

“I’m so sorry Papii, I really didn’t want to hurt you.” Off nodded and wiped over his face. Gun went to his chair, grabbed it and placed it so that he was sitting right next to Off now. He took one of his hands in his and added: “Please don’t be sad, I feel so bad now.” Gun only whispered at the end and lowered his gaze and Off knew his friend was about to cry. So he quickly reached for Gun’s cheek and pulled his face up. He was right: his eyes were already full of tears and the first ones found their way down Gun’s beautiful face. How could he still be so beautiful while crying?

“Don’t cry…not because of me, please. You are not to blame at all. I only…I was sure you like me as well.”

“I do! But just not that way…”

“We never really talked about it, but I was confident you like guys. So I was quite convinced you could give me at least a chance. Could you? We could go for dates, I know we already spend a lot of time together…” Off was trying hard, but Gun interrupted him.

“Stop. Sorry to interrupt but it’s not possible. You are right, I am gay.” Gun took a deep breath. “But I already have a boyfriend.” Off’s eyes widened. He furrowed his brows and freed his hand from Gun’s.

“What? Who? And why don’t I know about that?”

Gun took a deep breath again. “Nobody knows about him…I cannot publicly have a boyfriend when me and you are so hyped as a couple. Our career would end.”

Off felt his heart sink. He was disappointed. Of course, in first place because Gun didn’t love him back, but what hurt him more was the fact, that he didn’t tell him about that guy he was supposedly dating.

“Who is it then, do I know him?”

“No, he is not famous. I met him at a party, we started talking and got along really well. Then we started dating and things developed.” Gun looked down at his hands, where two sparkling rings found his gaze. Gun smiled. “I really love him.”

Off was silent. He looked at Gun, who was smiling down at his hands and slowly running over his rings. Shit! The rings Gun suddenly started wearing. He never asked from whom Gun received them, but now it made sense.

“Okay, I see.”

“Papii please, I hope you are okay, we need to stick together, for work but also as friends, I cannot lose you!”

Off nodded. “We are fine, I could never be mad at you. I just need some time…can we pay now and leave?” So they did. As they stepped out into the night, Off felt so exhausted.  
“What can I do?” Gun stepped closer and wanted to hug Off. But the taller one just stepped back. “Nothing. For now. I need to come to terms with the new situation. I will call you as soon as I’m ready. And please don’t blame yourself!” So Off turned around without waiting for any answer. 

Immediately he felt his eyes get wet. Since he suppressed his urge to cry the whole time, now everything came out. He started shaking and sobbing while walking down the rather crowded street. He only hoped nobody would see him. Shit! How could this go so totally wrong? He was so convinced that they would end up together, that he never thought about what would happen if Gun said no. His heart felt heavy in his chest and his legs were so weak, but he walked on, without stopping or looking where he was going. 

After half an hour he felt so exhausted, so he stopped and looked where the heck he was. Oh! He knew that area of Bangkok. Tay was living here. He turned to the big condo to his left and behold, it was Tay’s. He was grateful to be here. His heart beamed and he only hoped that his best friend was at home.

“Hello?” He heard his friend’s voice coming out of the speaker. Off stopped crying some minutes ago, but as soon as he heard Tay’s voice, out of the nowhere he started again. Shit! 

“It’s Off…” Tay must have unmistakably heard he was crying by his voice.

“What is going on? Come up, I’ll open for you.”

He slowly climbed the stairs and thought about what he should Tay. Could he tell him everything? He decided to act naturally and see were things lead. As he reached the door with the name “Vihokratana” he took a deep breath and knocked.

_Tay POV_

**Past**

As long as he could remember he and Off were best friends. There was also Arm along with them of course. They met at school, since they were the same age and so as soon as they got paired up for a project one day, the found out that they got along very well. They had a lot of fun and school passed. They studied at different universities, but never lost contact. 

Everything was perfect, except for the fact that Tay was madly in love with Off. It started at school, but at that time Tay didn’t think about it so much, he tried to make himself believe that these feelings were only deep friendship. But later he couldn’t avoid it anymore and came to terms with his feelings. The only problem was that Off had a girlfriend, for years now, so he never tried anything. His life was going so well, he, Off and Arm all got under contract with GMMTV and started in the entertainment industry. Soon he and Off were paired up with New and Gun and the hype around their couples started. 

Tay was so grateful for everything that happened in his life and wouldn’t want to change a thing. He was a really positive person and tried to enjoy his life fully. Nonetheless his heart hurt every time he saw Off and Gun being close, especially as soon as Off was single again. Of course he knew that ‘OffGun’ was all only show, same with him and New. But still. 

Tay could never risk changing something about the current situation. If he confessed to Off, it could change so much between them. Surely to the negative and that he didn’t want. So he rather stayed his friend and single for the rest of his life. 

**Present**

Tay opened the door and was shocked. Off was drenched in tears, his hair chaotic and his whole posture was subsided. He entered and immediately fell into Tay’s arms. 

_...to be continued..._


	2. We've been down that road before

**Present**

Tay opened the door and was shocked. Off was drenched in tears, his hair chaotic and his whole posture was subsided. He entered and immediately fell into Tay’s arms. Since his friend was taller than him, it was impossible for Tay to hold him and so they dropped on the floor together. He could hardly manage to close the door, but after he did, Off started to whimper heartbreakingly. Tay took a firm hold on Off and started stroking his back, trying to calm him.

“Shhh…everything is okay.” Tay had no idea what happened to Off and also didn’t expect him to talk right now. Somehow Tay wanted to yell at whoever was responsible for Off lying in his arms sobbing. He didn’t want to see the person he loved feeling so miserable, but right now he needed to be there for his best friend. Tay slowly brought his head closer to Off’s and risked placing a little kiss on his forehead. Off didn’t react at all, and so Tay knew that Off might still be totally unaware of his surroundings. Tay didn’t know what to do. It would be better if they moved to the couch, but Off didn’t make no move to stand up. 

“Off, hey man…” He reached for Off’s head and ran a few times through his hair only to stop his movement and place his hand at his neck. Then Off looked up and tried to smile although one could see that he struggled.

“Tay…” He said and tried to get up. Tay helped, took his hand and lead them to the couch. Off stopped crying now, to Tay’s relief. They reached the big couch and Off placed Off close next to his side.

“Off, what happened?” Tay was still holding Off’s hand and decided to keep holding it firmly. Off shook his head and buried his face again in Tay’s chest. He only stayed like this, not crying or saying anything. Tay felt so bad for him, but somewhere deep inside he also enjoyed having his best friend in his arms. He wanted this for so long and so now he couldn’t stop his heart from thumping hard in his chest. After some minutes Off rose, let go of Tay’s hand and collected himself.

“Sorry…shit.” He still seemed to be kind of flustered. 

“No need to be sorry. But what happened?” Tay’s voice sounded really concerned and he grabbed Off’s hand again, who only raised a brow in confusion. But Off didn’t stop Tay, also as he started running his thumb in little circles on his back of hand.

“Man, I don’t know where to begin…Okay it may sound like a joke and I hope you won’t freak out. But I kind of fell in love.”

Tay blinked. Wow Off was in love. This hurt Tay, but that was nothing bad for Off right? No girl who would get love by Off Jumpol would ever reject him. Why was he crying then?  
“Okay that’s good, I guess. Or not?” Tay was nervous. He had no idea how to behave himself.

“No it’s bad. The person is already in a relationship.” Ohhh, unrequited love. He knew how this felt.

“Oh that’s really bad…I’m sorry.” 

Off tried to smile now a little. “Don’t be.”

“Can I ask who it is? What about me freaking out?” Tay’s heart was beating quickly. Was it someone they knew? A fellow actress maybe.

“It’s so hard to say…”

Tay felt helpless and tried his best to encourage Off. “Don’t be afraid, I would never judge you for loving someone. I’ll always stay at your side.”

“Thanks that means a lot to me.” Off returned the touch of their hands and also carressed Tay’s.

“I…fell in love with a guy.” 

Tay’s face fell. He was shocked. Off was in love with a guy? His best friend Off, who was actually straight as fuck? Tay’s emotions must have been visible on his face because suddenly Off’s expression turned into a sad one. Tay tried to give him a smile but failed miserably. His brain was still so confused and his heart was between blooming and breaking. The fact that Off gave a guy a chance to own his heart opened up possibilities for Tay too. But the fact that Off was in love with someone else just hurt.

“I knew you wouldn’t take it easy…I don’t know either what I was thinking. In fact I wasn’t thinking at all…”

Finally Tay found his voice. “No Off! I don’t mind or judge you in any way! Shit man, we work in BL industry, so it’s totally fine if you fall for a man. It just came unexpected…”

Off was totally back to his senses now, only some red stains around his eyes indicated to what happened.

“Okay, then I’m glad.”

“So what happened today?”

“I took him out for dinner and planned everything in my head. I was dead sure he would feel the same for me.” Off let go of Tay’s hand and desperately ran them through his hair.

“He didn’t, I guess?”

Off only shook his head, feeling his throat lumping.

“I’m really sorry, but he isn’t worth your crying and feeling so miserable. He is actually really dumb for letting you go.” Tay sounded convinced but inside he was afraid, that his words were too much.

“Hmm, not sure if you would talk so bad about him if I tell you who it is. He is one of your best friends.”

“Arm?!!”

“What?! No!” Off laughed at that thought and Tay joined. Arm was their best buddy and so Tay assumed it could be him.

“No…it’s even more ironic. It’s Gun.” 

Gun? Little Gun Atthaphan? Tay lost all his words again.

“Oh my, now that I say it out load it sounds so stupid. Me being in love with Gun, shouldn’t it be the other way around?” Off let out a bitter laugh.

“Wow, I didn’t expect that. May I ask since when?” Tay was sweating now. He was nervous because of Off’s confession, because of what he’ll tell next and also because of his own feelings.

“I think around a year. I was only feeling happy all the time with him and so I assumed that I love him. I didn’t do anything for changing things until some days ago. I planned everything and even pictured the outcome. For fuck’s sake I even bought flowers! What was I thinking?”

Tay only blinked. What he heard didn’t sound like his best friend and the person he loved at all. Off buying flowers? No way.

“Okay. I’m sorry but that doesn’t sound like you.” 

Tay wanted to take back his words as soon as he said them, but then Off continued: “Right! And it’s also so not me to like a guy! Maybe I’m only confused, and I don’t like him that way. Maybe our closeness is messing with my mind. How can I know?”

“You don’t ever know that. I actually only meant that your actions where none the Off I know would do. That you could fall in love with a guy…I think that’s fine…” Tay looked down, trying hard not to turn red and became really silent in the end.

Then they said nothing, until Tay continued. “Why did Gun refuse you then? I could easily imagine him being head over heels for you.”

“He has a boyfriend already.”

“Oh yeah you told be before that the person is in a relationship...sorry. But I didn’t know that as well, why didn’t Gun tell us?”

Off bit his lips seemingly not wanting to talk any longer. “I don’t know.”

Tay studied Off’s features. 

He looked so different than usual. Off was actually a funny guy, totally childish sometimes and always ready to bring a good joke. He was handsome and so when he made a serious face he looked like a model, but that was not often the case. 

But today he looked totally sad and devastated. It didn’t suit him. Off wasn’t supposed to look that way. He should smile and laugh like crazy.

“Off, how can I help you?”

Tay grabbed Off’s chin to make him look up, but Off’s eyes didn’t shine at all. Tay had the urge to cry. He felt his throat tightening already and his heart was bursting. It remembered him so much about the situation 3 years ago. If Tay thought about it now, it was kind of predictable that Off could like Gun more than a friend one day.

**Past**

“Guys can we talk?”

Tay was in a deep conversation with Arm about their next projects, when Off interrupted them. Tay noticed the whole evening that his best friend was a little silent and not fully present.

“Sure. Is there something happening?” Arm asked concerned, seeing Off’s changed expression now as well. Both scooted a little closer to Off on his spot on the floor and Tay put a hand on his shoulder, hoping it would bring him some comfort.

“Me and Mook broke up.”

Immediately Tay felt his hands turning cold, then his cheeks turned hot. He didn’t fully realize what he just heard, but his body seemed to understand and reacted with panic.

Thankfully Arm was there and said something: “Man, how come? You were fine, weren’t you?”

“We were. I thought so, but she didn’t see it that way. She said that my role and my new couple are changing me and that she liked me and Gun in the series but all this offscreen staff is not her liking.”

Slowly Tay calmed down and felt ready to say something.

“That’s bullshit.”

Well maybe he could have said something more productive, but his brain didn’t yet work right.

“Tay is right. One thing is work and the other one private life. Did you talk?”

“Yeah we did. I told her that there’s nothing going on, that Gun is just a friend. I mean she knows him well, all of us met quite a few times. That’s why I was so surprised…and angry.”

Tay looked up from the spot on the floor he was looking at. “You were angry?”

Off nodded and Arm replied: “I get you. Her arguments seem somehow fake, as if she looked for an excuse to break up.”

“I don’t know, it’s all a little hazy. The outcome was that she said it’s over…I mean what shall I say more?”

Tay agreed with what Off did but couldn’t help to wonder if Off felt hurt. They were dating in forever!

“And how are you now?”

If Off was looking a little sad before than he had a devasted expression now. It seemed as if he yet released what he was going through and suddenly he hid his face behind his hands.

“I-”

“Sshhh…calm down first. We are here for you.” Arm pulled Off a little in his direction making clear that he could also seek physical comfort with them.

Tay’s fingers were itching as well. He wanted to pull Off close to console him. Maybe also take a little advantage for himself of such a hug. Touching his friend was a rare possibility and so he wanted to seize one.

“Thanks, really…”

“Now come here!” Arm pulled first Tay a little towards him and then finally Off right onto them. Only with a lot of strength, Tay managed not to fell backwards. 

“Aaaaarm…”

“No no no, you will hug us now. You need this also if you don’t think you do.” 

Tay chuckled a little, before he opened his eyes and saw Off’s face only inches from his. It seemed they both rested a little awkwardly on Arm’s chest, being pressed together by their tall friend. Tay moved his arm a little and could now put it fully around Off’s waist.

This was perfect.

If Off wasn’t hurting so much at the moment and Arm wouldn’t be here, Tay didn’t know if he could hold back. He wanted to lean closer to Off, wanted to make all his sadness disappear and just hold him. But he couldn’t in the way he actually wanted and so he tried to remember the feeling of this short touch.

_POV Off_

Off was confused about his feelings. He was sad, no doubt, but he didn’t know about what exactly. If it was the fact that he lost the love of his life or rather how it happened.

It made him incredibly angry that she didn’t trust him and thought of Gun so badly. She said some more things, that he didn’t share with his friends now, since they would probably raise and angrily head to his and Mook’s shared apartment and scream at her. But Off did that already and wondered how he could be so blind.

“Guys I can’t breathe.” Off tried to release the grip of his friends. His face was pressed between Arm’s chest and Tay’s own face. As he looked up hew saw Tay mustering him and he smiled crookedly. 

“Okay.” Arm let go and then it was silent, until the latter one broke it again: “Have you talked to Gun already?” 

Off lit up a little and nodded. “Not yet fully. I immediately called him yesterday after I left the apartment. I went to his house and slept there.”

“You went to Gun?” Tay seemed confused and also Arm looked hurt in his best friend status.

“Sorry guys, but he was the reason for the fight and so I just thought of him…I called you to meet today immediately, so don’t be bitchy…” All laughed a little at this, before Tay returned to their point: “So what did he say?”

“Not much, he said he is there for me. We had a nice evening not talking about the bad things, but rather enjoying our time.”

“That’s nice, but it would have been good for your emotional state to talk or cry or scream or whatever you wanted. We saw how shitty you felt today.” Arm sounded really concerned.

“Hmm, well yeah can be, but that’s what you guys are for. He is a different kind of friend…he takes things with ease and is not so mature as we are and that’s refreshing.”

“Okay, you know what’s best for you.”

Tay was silent all the time, looked a little off and Off couldn’t really read his friend today.

“Let’s change topic now and see how things go with time passing.”

**Present**

“Off, how can I help you?”

Tay grabbed Off’s chin to make him look up but Off tried to look away. This was all so embarrassing!

“You can’t…I mean you don’t have to. It will go away. I hope.” Off didn’t even had the will to talk longer and again looked down, but Tay was insisting this time.

“I will do everything to help you, just share with me what you feel, please!”

Off felt his heart melting at Tay’s begging expression that was full of compassion. Tay was such a kind and lovable person. Hurt by seeing him this way, Off tried to smile to make also Tay happy again. 

“Okay….my feelings…? Right now I don’t want- don’t want to be alone. It would be amazing if I could sleep here tonight.”

“Of course.”

Tay had his hand still on his cheek and Off wondered what Tay was thinking. He seemed thoughtful but with a weird layer of fondness. This looked exactly like a small cute puppy and at that thought Off suddenly had to genuinely smile.

“You look weird. Now come on, I want to jump into your cozy bed!” Off rose and noticed he was a little dizzy, probably from the tears and exhaustion. 

“My bed?!”

Off turned, hearing Tay scream these two words. He furrowed his brows and eyed Tay with a questioning look. This shouldn’t be a problem for Tay, they shared a bed already before, right?

_...to be continued..._


	3. I'm finding it hard to believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am deeply surprised by this story, I love how it is turning out!!

“My bed?!”

Off turned, hearing Tay scream these two words. He furrowed his brows and eyed Tay with a questioning look. This shouldn’t be a problem for Tay, they shared a bed already before, right?

“Emm… yes? I can also take the couch.” Off didn’t want Tay to feel uncomfortable, although he didn’t know why he should be. Or was it because he was afraid, now that Off had shown interest in a guy?

“No no it’s fine, I wasn’t thinking and confused and so…”

Off saw in Tay’s expression that he was indeed not happy, although smiling at him.

“Don’t lie to me please, if I make you uncomfortable now with this then-”

“Noo!” Tay rose and stepped closer. “No never think that. Fuck, sorry. I- Just don’t think that. I am fine, let’s go to bed. I might just need sleep to think clearly again.”

Off didn’t answer anything more and followed Tay into his bedroom.

“You need some pjs?”

“No I am fine in my boxers.”

Tay went to the bed, lay down and faced the other direction, leaving Off standing there confused. He quickly undressed and switched off the lights, before entering the bed as well.

He didn’t know why but he worried about Tay. Shouldn’t it be him who gets some comfort today? Why did he feel as if he needed to console Tay?

Not knowing if his friend was sleeping already, he stopped himself from starting a talk again. Would be better to sleep anyway and sort things out tomorrow morning. Quicker than expected Off drifted away in a calm and dreamless sleep.

_POV Tay_

The one big thing not leaving Tay’s mind was, that they both were only in boxershorts. Although there was a lot of space between them and Tay wasn’t even facing Off, he felt his presence hot on his skin.

What was so different today compared to endless other times when he and Off slept together? Tay was aware of his feelings for such a long time, that it was never an inner fight for control as today, he was used to how to act next to Off without being suspicious.

But today it didn’t work, he felt like being an uncontrolled teenager. The way he couldn’t control his emotions today and made Off assume the total wrong things was just embarrassing. He was an actor and failed so deeply.

After a few minutes Tay noticed that Off fell asleep, so he turned.

Off was facing him and looked peaceful. He looked simply gorgeous!

Tay scooted closer, not really sure what he was doing anyway. Since they shared one blanket, he felt Off’s body warmth now and could see the upper part of his body, also only vaguely with the darkness in the room.

A quick glance on the clock showed him that it was past 1 am already and he really needed to sleep. But he wanted to watch Off more. He seldom got the chance to stare at him so openly for such a long time.

His fingers were itching to reach out and push away some hair that was covering Off’s forehead and eyes, but he couldn’t risk this.

Swallowing and holding back a sigh of despair he turned away again and moved to the edge of his bedside. Distance, that was what he needed, otherwise he wouldn’t fall asleep at all.

_POV Off_

Off opened his eyes and wondered where he was. He looked down and saw someone sleeping in his arms. _Tay…_

Oh yeah, Off remembered everything now and closed his eyes again, trying to forget the whole yesterday. He was so pathetic, and this was all so unreal. Was it even real?

Tay moved a little and made Off aware of reality again.

Off was lying on his side and Tay snuggled into his chest hugging him and getting hugged back by Off. Their legs were entangled as well and Off couldn’t help but feel ambivalent about this. He simply didn’t like body contact that much, but somehow this felt nice and comforting, so he let Tay sleep and tried not to move.

After a while he heard some mumblings and looked at Tay, whose face was a little tense.

“…me…why…”

Off didn’t know if his friend was having a nightmare and if he should rather wake him. Only when he heard a silent weeping and a tear sparkling at Tay’s eyelashes he knew this was not a good sign.

“Tay! Tay wake up!” He softly shook his shoulders so that Tay wouldn’t be too startled. It took him another four calls of his name until Tay opened his eyes, confused and…and scared?

“Ahh! Fuck…” Tay suddenly backed off and brought distance between them, covering his chest with the blanket. Off didn’t really know what was going on.

“Hey sorry, but I had to wake you, you were having a bad dream.”

“No, I mean yes thanks! And sorry. Did I wake you?” Tay was stammering and still so far away from Off, keeping the distance as if it was about life and death.

“No I looked at you sleeping when I noticed you didn’t feel good in your dream, so no worries.”

Tay again looked shocked and Off was afraid that something was wrong here. Tay never acted that way, well not so drastic. Despite Tay saying that Off’s confession didn’t bother him, all the signs showed otherwise.

Tay not wanting Off to sleep in his bed, the distance, the fear.

Off felt a lump in his throat. He didn’t care what strangers thought of him, it never did, but when his best friend, his most important person, was suddenly disgusted or afraid of him, because he had a (probably not so big) crush on a guy, simply hurt.

“Emmm, so shall we have breakfast?” Tay suggested with a smile, but Off was not in the mood for smiling and looked away, feeling like crying again. The feeling was different than yesterday though. After Gun’s rejection he felt like his world crumbled, but maybe more because things turned out differently than in his imagination. Now this went deep under his skin, it was as if his beliefs got turned upside down. Tay was always such an open person, accepting everything and loving everybody, so that Off never thought he would act that way.

**Past**

He and Tay were in the mall together, chilling and enjoying a nice dinner. Off just had his graduation ceremony and was glad when all the people left and he finally could change into normal cloth. He never liked parties, so he didn’t do one, simple like that. Mook wanted to join them, but she was spontaneously meeting a friend, and so he was left with Tay.

But that was really enjoyable actually. They had always so much fun together and being with this guy was the easiest thing Off knew.

“Hey man, you see this pair of shoes there. I want them so badly.”

Off huffed, knowing this was an innuendo about a birthday present and he winked at Tay, showing he understood and receiving a big smile.

_This dork._

“Shall we go eating now?”

“Sure, I am starving since one hour, but a certain mister had to drag me to the shoe store first.”

“Yeah yeah…”

So they arrived at their favorite restaurant and enjoyed the evening.

“Off.” Tay whispered to him after a while. “You see these two guys?” Off wondered and turned trying not to be conspicuous.

“Yes. And?”

“I think they are a couple.” Off looked again, not seeing what made Tay think so. They seemed doing the same as he and Tay: eating, chatting and laughing.

“Oh ok. How come?”

“I don’t know, they are just acting so sweet.” Tay grinned and Off raised an eyebrow. “Lovely.” He said, rather joking.

“Totally!” 

“And when did you turn into a y-fangirl?” Off loved teasing Tay and this screamed for it.

“Fuck you.” Then they laughed and Off couldn’t stop teasing Tay some more the rest of the evening.

**Present**

“I will quickly take a shower.” Off stood up and fled the room, hoping Tay wouldn’t notice his distress. When he closed the bathroom door, he exhaled and quickly got out of his boxers. Some hot shower would clearly ease him and his hurt feelings. Because that was what he felt, indeed hurt. What was happening here, was so not Tay-like and Off started doubting himself and his knowledge about his friend.

The water ran over his body and Off imagined it was a hug. God, how did he become so emotional!? But it seemed to help, because suddenly his inner knot broke, and he cried again. Silent so that Tay didn’t hear, although the water should have swallowed most sounds anyway.

Stepping out, Off noticed he had no cloths here, not even a clean boxer. He had to return to the bedroom with just the towel. Off could slap himself and knew that his brain wasn’t functioning at all anymore.

_POV Tay_

He was fucked. So deeply fucked.

Waking up in Off’s arms was heaven and hell at the same time. His dream was bad already (it was a conversation with Off full of tears about why he loved Gun and not him) and then waking up being betrayed by his own body, was too much. He was scared and hoped Off didn’t notice too much. He just wanted to be there for Off but failed miserably.  
Especially now that he might have a chance that he could be more that a friend to Off, he really shouldn’t act so weird. Off’s confession about his feelings for Gun still stuck deep in Tay’s bones and filled him with determination.

Off was showering and Tay tried to not think about it. 

He distracted himself with making eggs and rice, trying not to burn anything. After he finished and Off still wasn’t back, Tay allowed himself to think. To think about how he could try to get closer to Off, closer than they already were, without being weird – and without freaking out. Things like this hug in bed should actually be a good thing, he should have enjoyed it, but his inexperience made everything so much worse.

“Hi.”

Off appeared in the doorway and made Tay look up from the spot on the table he was staring at. “Hey.” He smiled and indicated Off to sit down at the laid table.

“I borrowed some cloth from you if that was okay.”

Off sounded silent and confused and so not like him. “Sure! No problem at all. Please start eating.”

Off did and eyed Tay with a weird look. Tay looked down at himself and noticed he was still only in his boxers. Oh god, hopefully it didn’t bother Off!

“I will put on a shirt, one moment!”

“Oh that’s not necessary…” Tay heard Off silently say it, but he was doing it anyway.

“Here I am again.” He walked by Off and under normal circumstances he would put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. But knowing Off and considering the situation he stopped in his movement and sat himself.

Tay cleared his throat. “How did you sleep?”

“Good, really good yes.”

“That’s good to hear. And how do you feel now?”

“Hmmm…not very much better, but it will.”

Off was not feeling better? Tay found himself hurting as well, not liking Off being sad. “What else can I do? Shall we talk more? Or go shopping to ease the mind…”

Off shook his head and some drops from his still wet hair fell on his face.

They looked like tears.

“Fuck. Off…I really want to help you, but you need to talk to me. Should I call Arm?”

“No it’s okay. I just want everything to be normal. Like it was before…no weird feelings for guys. I am not gay, you know right?”

Tay felt his heart hurt. Of course he knew, but he hoped otherwise taking yesterday into consideration. 

“Yes.”

“So let’s just leave it this way. First I need to be okay with Gun again, so that we can work together again and second I should just forget this strange trace of feelings for a guy.”

Tay nodded and couldn’t believe what a fool he was, thinking the whole morning about having chances. It brought tears into his eyes again and he slowly started speaking: “You know you are my best friend but this hurts.”

“Oh sorry, that I hurt you with feeling this way!” Off sounded angry. Why the hell was Off angry?! He didn’t even say anything about his own feelings yet.

Tay looked up, knowing that Off would see his teary eyes. “What…? Why are you angry now. It’s totally understandable that I feel so.”

“Understandable? This is bullshit and I never expected you to be this way!”

 _Be this way…_ Tay felt the tears fall and was speechless for a while. 

Then he said calm and cold: “Same for you.” He stood up and left the room.

_POV Off_

Why was he the one feeling guilty now? He couldn’t be okay with Tay acting this way. Judging Off for liking a boy was too much. Off noticed that Tay felt unease sitting naked here and he also noticed he avoided touching him before. Tay avoiding a touch! And why looked Tay hurt so deeply? It seemed as if Off was the wrong one here, but he surely wasn’t.

He stood up and saw Tay hadn’t eaten at all compared to Off’s plate which was empty. He needed to talk to Tay, sort this out, there was something really wrong and he didn’t like it. So Off grabbed the plate and went towards the bedroom.

_…to be continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is not necessarily the last one, maybe I will add one more. Sorry for this inconvenience but this story is rather spontaneous and not fully planned through as my others :)


	4. Once in your life you find someone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's not yet the last chapter! Yaaaay!!

Off grabbed the plate and went towards the bedroom.

“Tay?” Off knocked after receiving no answer and tried to open the door, which turned out to be locked. “Tay please open. We need to talk.”

Off knocked again, before he slid down to sit on the floor with the back leaning at the door. He knew Tay would hear him and so he went on talking: “I have your food here, you need to have breakfast…”

Maybe he could convince Tay to come out that way. “If you don’t come, I will eat all of it.” Off hoped to ease the situation a little bit, but still there was no sound coming from the room.

Was Tay okay? Suddenly Off panicked a little and he stood up knocking again. “Tay? Please I am really worried…”

Before Off could realize, the door opened with such a speed that he had to hold himself at the opposite wall, to not fall down. Infront of him stood a Tay he rarely ever saw before. His eyes were red and puffy from crying probably, but they looked at him with such an anger, that Off nearly wanted to run.

“Worried?! Fuck you worried! You just hurt me all the time and then have the audacity to worry and come with your stupid food!” Tay grabbed the plate out of Off’s hands, who was frozen by the shock of Tay’s outburst, and threw it on the floor. The plate shattered in many pieces and the food already left a greasy spot on the carpet. “I never expected this from you! I am sorry for feeling this way, but a little sympathy…would that be so hard…?”

Tay was whispering in the end and covered his eyes with his hands. Off felt helpless. This was all just madness and he couldn’t understand if they were really talking about him having feelings for Gun anymore.

Tay was crying like shit again but remained standing there in front of a still immobile Off.

Something was really wrong here. It dawned him as he fully processed what Tay just said: _You just hurt me all the time._

What the heck was he doing to hurt Tay? Off could understand (understand but not get) that he felt weird about his best friend being not so straight, but how could it make Tay cry so deeply?

“Tay. I want you to calm down. Please…I don’t know what is happening here.” He stepped closer and wanted to hug Tay, who backed off though.

“Tay…?” Off felt his heart sink and his eyes watered. He exhaled and spoke with a scratchy voice: “I don’t want you to be so disgusted by me. I am not different than before. Please don’t do this to us…”

“I- I’m not disgusted. I am…heartbroken and disappointed.”

“I don’t get this. You are an open-minded person, why is it something different when it’s about a friend. And heartbroken? How?”

Tay looked up now, somehow sobered up. “Huugh? I…am confused now, sorry.”

“Me too, all the time today.”

They stood there, both in thoughts until Off broke the silence. “Come let’s sit and really talk.” Off grabbed Tay’s hand and received a questioning look. Nonetheless Tay held it strongly and they went to sit on the couch.

“So. I noticed you avoided me since yesterday. Well not obviously, but you backed off my touch and you acted weird. So it seemed for me you had a problem, that I might have also interest in guys.”

“What? No not at all. I told you at least twice! Idiot.”

“Well what did you mean then? How could I have possibly hurt you?!” Off was totally desperate, his mind was empty and the hand that was holding Tay’s was clasping even harder.  
“You said your feelings for a guy were weird and it was just a mistake. That made me want to cry. And then you said you didn’t expect me to be ‘that way’. I assumed you understood how I feel for you and were angry.”

The calmness of how Tay said this was nearly as shocking as the said things itself.

_How he feels for me?_

Off was frozen again. He was sitting here on the couch with his best friend, holding his hand and staring into beautiful brown eyes. Then he suddenly understood.

Off surprisingly didn’t panic, he felt weird and out of place suddenly, but he didn’t panic.

“I didn’t know….anything.”

“Well it doesn’t matter now.” Tay let go of his hand and looked way. “You are not gay, your feelings for Gun might have been ‘a strange mistake’ as you said.”

“No Tay! Please I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I don’t judge anyone liking guys, I just realized how dumb I acted. I thought it’s better if I say these things for me to get over it faster, but also for you since you really seemed shocked. So I thought you feel more relieved when you know it’s nothing to be afraid off…but I was wrong obviously…”

“Yeah obviously…”

Off had to smile suddenly. They were such idiots. “We are a mess.”

“Yes.” And also Tay smiled now a little bit.

“So you like me?” 

Tay rolled his eyes. “Ehh yes, I said that already.”

“What’s wrong with you? How can you like me, I am an idiot.”

“Oh you are yes, but that’s what I like as well. If you weren’t, then you wouldn’t be my Off.”

Off felt somehow touched suddenly. Only yesterday he received the rejection of his life and now he received a love confession? 

But didn’t it came so unexpectedly now? He needed to know how long he was so blind.

“Since when?”

_POV Tay_

**10 years ago**

University was harder than expected. Tay was struggling a lot and just wanted to have some fun with his friends. But here he was in the library and trying to understand this dumb chemistry formula. Maybe he really should switch to economics…

“Tay!” He looked up, wondering who would call him, especially in the library. It was Arm and Tay didn’t understand what was going on. “Arm?” His friend looked amazing, like an idol, being all handsome and dressed stylish. Well it fitted since he as studying acting.

“Hey man!”

“What the heck are you doing here?”

“I came to fetch you and drag you to my apartment, where we will surprise Off.”

“His birthday is only tomorrow.”

“I know, but shouldn’t we surprise him at midnight already? You both organized such an amazing party for me last year, so I think Off deserves that too.”

Tay nodded, smiling about the fact that he wanted to see Off happy of course. Then suddenly his mind wandered to his book and he knew he was fucked. They would drink tonight and so he would be wasted tomorrow, then he only had one more day to finish everything.

“My studies…”

“Ahhh Tay, just stop this. Either study economics, since you are a genius there, or follow me and do something with media. You and Off are both talented and I will tell you both that until you are the number one actors and hot guys in Thailand.”

“Me hot? Very funny, have you looked at me. And also Off would laugh if you told him this.”

“We will see.” Arm smiled and so they packed Tay’s things and rode to Arm’s flat.

After they put on decoration (no balloons, Tay reminded Arm, that Off was afraid of them) and got the drinks and snacks ready, Tay wondered: “And how exactly will Off come here, at midnight, without knowing there is obviously a surprise waiting for him. You know, he knows it’s his birthday.”

“That’s the clever part. I asked my neighbor for help. He will call Off and say he is worried about me, I don’t know, hearing weird things from my flat, and since Off has a second key for my flat he will come and help.”

“This is dumb, what if Off says he should call the condo representative to open up.”

“It will work.”

And it did. Tay couldn’t believe it, but there they were shortly after midnight, hiding behind the couch and hearing Off closing the door, calling for Arm.

Arm nodded and they jumped out of their hiding place. “Suuuurpriseeee!!!”

Off’s eyes widened and luckily he started grinning immediately, not being miffed about their trick. Tay took the sparklers they prepared and lit them. He loved these wonderful magical lights so much and knew Off did as well. They didn’t have a cake so nowhere to put candles, so they had to be enough.

“Ahh I love them!” Off smiled and took his thankfully. 

Then they were standing in the still dark room all with a sparkler in between their folded hands to say some thanks, and Off wishing for something probably.

Tay opened his eyes soon again and couldn’t help but stare at Off whose face was gorgeously illuminated. Tay felt warmth fill his body and his cheeks became hot. He shouldn’t think about his friend in that way, but in moments like this, he couldn’t help himself.

Off was a little taller than Tay himself but the same skinny. Off had mad hair, also same as Tay and overall he was just a normal guy with bad teeth. But for Tay Off was just amazing. Off was always able to make him laugh and god did Tay love to laugh! He would give so much to just hear Off talking shit sometimes and roll around the floor because of laughter. Nonetheless he was earnest and took things seriously. As he was right now. The way they were all silent and thoughtful was something that Tay appreciated as well. They were not only friends to have fun with, but also to have serious talks and really care for each other. Arm was somehow the older brother who took care of his childish two little ones. Tay smiled and glanced over at Arm. Maaan he really nearly looked like some Korean idol! These two guys where his family and he couldn’t be happier than in this moment, also if his heart was tearing a little bit, when he thought about Off having someone who is probably more important than they two would ever be. But his girlfriend was nice and so Tay couldn’t even be mad or anything. But in the end he couldn’t stop himself from making a wish that night, he knew wouldn’t become true probably.

_I wish Off would love be the same way I do._

**Present**

“Since when?”

Tay still heard the panic rushing in his ears, but he told himself to speak frankly today and until now it worked. Off didn’t seem overly shocked or disgusted, so Tay answered truthfully.

“Always. Well I guess I had some feelings I couldn’t explain myself, you know, being told it’s normal to like girls and so on. But at some point, I couldn’t ignore it and I accepted it.”

“You would have never told me, right?”

Tay was so relieved about Off’s tone. He really was talking about this in a friendly way and was serious about it.

“No of course not. It could have ruined our friendship or make things weird and also for work our friendship is kind of an important thing.”

Off was silent then and Tay studied his friend. He was thoughtful and probably needed time to process all of it and Tay gave it to him. He stood up and started cleaning up the mess he made earlier. As soon as he finished, he checked on Off who was still on the couch but checking his phone.

“I will take a shower now. I can totally understand if- if you want to go and think…or you can also stay of course! I… I don’t know how you feel actually…” Tay sounded so dumb and just wanted to hide.

“I will stay. We need to talk, I guess? It’s just-”

Tay looked at his friend who looked away and exhaled: “Shower first, then we go on.”

Tay nodded and went to the bathroom, not sure how to interpret Off’s sudden reaction. Was he going to tell him they can’t be friends anymore? Fuck. While stripping Tay started shaking a little, afraid of what will come afterwards. He simply couldn’t loose Off, that was not possible, Tay didn’t know how he should go on then.

“Shit…” The water was running hot over his body as his tears over his face.

Tay tried to hurry, not wanting to let Off waiting for too long.

“I already thought you got lost in your own bathroom.” Off laughed as Tay returned and a smile found its way as well into his own face.

“Fuck you, I was gone for 15 minutes maximum.”

“Who showers for 15 minutes?”

“Me obviously.” This felt so normal that Tay was torn between smiling and crying, both of happiness of course.

“Or did you do something else?” Off wiggled with his eyebrows and Tay’s eyes widened.

“Of course not. How- You remember in what situation we are in! You really think I would jerk off? I couldn’t even if I wanted…you idiot.” Tay said it all really jokingly but also meant it.

“Yeah yeah…”

Then they were silent, Tay waiting for Off to start. 

“I…don’t…love…you.” Off eventually said, pausing between the single words. Then he went on, talking in a normal speed: “Well not in a romantic way. I do love you as a friend and I can’t imagine not having you with me. And so I don’t want you to be hurt. But I also need to be honest…and that’s it.”

Tay’s heart was beating so strongly in his chest that it hurt. His smile didn’t leave his face, but it froze and slowly turned into a tortured smile. Without wanting a tear ran down his face and he just nodded. Tay already knew the things Off said and so he was at least glad he didn’t want to loose Tay. But on the other hand, actually hearing this now was so final and it hurt.

“I’m sorry, Tay, please…I am really sorry.”

“It’s okay- it was clear. I am just- I knew it of course, so no worries…” He closed his eyes and tried to breath to stop this dumb emotional outbreak.

The next moment Tay felt arms around him and his face was pressed against a warm chest. It was so unexpected that a silent moan escaped him. He was hyperaware of the strong hands on his waist that held him hard and gently caressed his back. Slowly Tay reached out as well and put his own hands on Off’s waist, unable to understand how he was suddenly allowed to touch his friend this way.

It felt like home and Tay decided he could live in this embrace.

As Off reached with one hand into his hair and ran through it, Tay thought he must be dreaming. This couldn’t be real, could it?

“Off?”

“Yes?” Off’s voice sounded a little scratchy as well.

“Thank you.”

_POV Off_

After he held Tay for good five minutes, they parted and smiled at each other with a dumb grin. Off felt relieved Tay calmed down. He couldn’t live with him making his friend sad.  
“What do we do now?” Tay bid his lips and seemed lost.

“We are both free today, right? Let’s watch a movie, order some food and just chill.”

Tay smiled at these words and Off felt his heart beat faster, combined with a slight urge to cry. He was just so relieved, yesterday and today took a toll on him and he was somehow emotionally drained and so done with everything.

So Off rose and walked towards the DVD shelf trying to look through it, while a few tears rolled down his face, hoping Tay wouldn’t see. He thought it would stop soon and he somehow could wipe them unsuspiciously, but of course Tay was attentive.

“Off are you okay?”

Without turning around, Off started speaking loud and continuing to sob: “This is the biggest shit ever. I like Gun and you like me. Why is this so unfair? Why didn’t I fall for you instead? It would have been perfect. You and me, the best friends, we would fit. Also nobody would notice! We are always close, so the fans wouldn’t suspect a thing. And me and Gun would easily continue to play our couple, because you wouldn’t have a problem with it, knowing the business. I just hate it!”

Off was a mess and covered his face, feeling a headache rise.

“Off…” Tay said really close to his ear and a moment later, he was hugged from behind. This was weird but he couldn’t care less right now.

“Off, it will all be okay. Time will make everything right again.”

As Off found his voice again and finally stopped crying, he said: “Yeah probably.”

“Now come, let’s watch a damn horror movie to get distracted.”

A chuckle escaped Off and he let Tay pull him towards the sofa holding his hand. They held hands during the movie and Tay also tentatively lay his head on his shoulder. Off let him, it didn't bother him and just wanted to make Tay feel comfortable. Maybe this helped him too? 

It was until Off received a message and had to let go to unlock his phone. He didn’t want to check it at first but then he saw ‘Gun’ and it made his heart flatter.

_Heyy Papii! How are you doing after yesterday? I am a little worried, so I write to you. You don’t have to answer, just let me know you are okay. We can also talk if you feel like that…in person or just call. Just take your time but don’t be alone too much. See you latest next Monday for the shooting! Hugs and kisses <3_

**_...to be continued..._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I remembered I rated this 'M', so apparently you will get a sex scene next chapter. What a pleasant surprise! :D


	5. We were young and wild and free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's again not the last chapter!!! OMG

_Heyy Papii! How are you doing after yesterday? I am a little worried, so I write to you. You don’t have to answer, just let me know you are okay. We can also talk if you feel like that…in person or just call. Just take your time but don’t be alone too much. See you latest next Monday for the shooting! Hugs and kisses <3_

“Do you want to talk to him?” Off was startled by Tay’s words and put away his phone.

“No, not now. Can you write him that I am with you? He is worried, but I don’t know what I should answer.”

Tay nodded and stood up to fetch his phone.

Meanwhile Off saw that the movie ended but he didn’t care, knowing also Tay was not fully into it. So he switched everything off and started checking on some menus to order today.

“I wrote: ‘Off is with me and doing as good as he can. He will call you when he is ready.’ Is that okay?”

“Sure thanks. Can we eat now?” Off smiled and wondered how Tay wasn’t starving yet, not even eating his breakfast.

“Please, I am starving!!”

So they spent the rest of the day together until Off decided to leave.

“So just call me when you need something.” They were standing at the door and everything was a little awkward.

“Thanks, you too.” Off meant it. Also if he knew that Tay might not really talk to him about his feelings, since he was the damn reason for it, he wanted to let Tay know.

“Bye.”

These two days were just crazy and Off felt as if he had enough emotional outbreaks for at least a year. Love was just utterly complicated and the most painful thing when not reciprocated.

Things got better though.

It was Monday soon and Off entered the studio of today’s magazine shoot. He was introduced and a nice girl showed him their attire. That’s where he also saw Gun again, looking at his phone, lying cutely on the couch.

“Hey Gun.”

“Papiiiii!!!” Gun rose and ran towards him but stopped then. “Hi!”

Off felt his cheeks wanting to rise, he was still having these feelings for the little one, but he wasn’t freaking out. He imagined today already and didn’t know how he would react, his body betrayed him various times already.

“Don’t hold back. I mean, behave normally, hug me or whatever. I need to get used to it without feeling too weird anyway.”

First Gun hesitated but as he saw the sympathetic smile on Off’s face, he crossed the last distance and the hugged. “I am so sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault. You are simply too cute.” That made Gun smile.

“We will manage that, right?”

“Sure! I don’t feel totally depressed to be honest. I just need to find myself again.” Gun looked a little questioning first, but then they were called for the make up and fell into a known pattern of work as a couple.

Off didn’t see Tay in private a while. They saw each other at some red carpets or at GMMTV building but were never alone and so only some looks were exchanged. 

Off missed Tay incredibly and it confused him.

They often didn’t see each other a while or only in company of others, but since that day Off felt the urge to be closer to Tay. 

So it was only natural for Off to just do it. Spend time with Tay if it felt right, then why avoiding it? Because his friend loved him? No, this was no problem, it can’t be one for Off, because he never would want Gun to avoid Off although the exact thing happened with him. Maybe sometimes Off could take the small one as a good example as well.

_Hi Tay :) Shall we do something together at the weekend?_

_Hi!! Sure! Alone or maybe together with Arm?_

Off blinked. Didn’t Tay want to be alone with him anymore?  
_I am okay with both, but if you rather not be alone with me, I can understand :/_

_Nooo!! Sorry, I just asked if maybe you want to be alone? I have plans with Arm already, so I wondered if it would be a problem for you him being there as well._

Off sighed not really knowing what he wanted, when Tay wrote another message.

_Never think I don’t want to be alone with you, things are really okay between us, right?_

A little nervous Off tried to type, but he was between shaking and being really weak, so he just deleted all he had until now and hit the little phone button in the corner.

“Hello Off?”

“Hi!”

“Why do you call?”

“I was just so unable to type right now and I wanted to make sure to you that all is fine. I am just afraid that you might not feel comfortable or so…”

“That’s very considerate, but I am doing fine. The most important thing for me always was that you don’t stop being my friend and since you said it’s okay for you, I am okay as well.”

“It is, really…So about the weekend. I would actually enjoy Arm’s company as always. If he is okay with me crashing your plans-”

“He is for sure, we just wanted to go shopping. Well he wants to go shopping and I might carry his bags.” Tay laughed and Off was relieved to hear it. 

“Cool!” 

Then there was a small silence, but it was peaceful.

“Emm Off?”

“Yes?”

“So I thought of telling Arm about my feelings actually. He is my best friend and I guess he should know…maybe we tell the whole thing?”

Off was a little nervous about that, but actually there was nothing to lose at this point and it was just fair towards Arm. 

“Sure, that would be nice, to talk with another person about it again.”

“Thanks, that’s amazing. I will text you place and time then.”

“Okay, bye Tay!”

“Bye Off.”

**_POV Arm_ **

His friends would be his death, Arm knew that since the day he started spending time with them. He loved them deeply but always wondered about these two dorks. And now the three of them were sitting in this nice coffee shop, bags full of cute cloths and they didn’t manage to tell him a ‘very important thing’.

“Guys. Just say it before we turn 30 and that’s not so long!”

“I fell in love with Gun.” Off suddenly spilled it and Arm was really surprised. More than surprised because he expected something very different. 

“What? You and Gun?” 

This was weird, Arm always thought Off and-

“No! Well we are no thing…he has a boyfriend already.”

Ok another shock for Arm. “Gun is in a relationship? Ok, what is this, in what movie did I land?” He had to chuckle now and his friends joined.

“Don’t ask me, he kept it secret apparently.”

Arm quickly tried to make his confusion vanish and rather focus. His gaze wandered from Off to Tay, whose reaction he wanted to observe. “And you already know about it?”

“Yes, he came to me after being rejected.”

Arm’s thoughts started racing again. He had the big suspicion that Tay was in love with Off and that already since years, so this was an interesting twist of turns.

“Well then I just hope you get over him soon, we are always here for you Off.”

Then they were silent for a while, Off and Tay sometimes exchanging a look, while Arm was considering to drop a hint. “You know I always thought that maybe you and Tay would fall for each other.”

Both men opposite to him widened their eyes and blushed a little.

“Well…” Tay started but looked down and Arm knew he was right. In Tay’s reaction and Off’s apologizing look Arm also saw, that Off knew.

“You love this idiot, right Tay?”

“Hey! I am no idiot.”

“Haaahh and you even know it already, you two are something else.”

“Arm, okay yes. I told him after we had some misunderstandings that night when Gun rejected him. But it’s all okay and we only wanted to share with you.”

“I knew that already. The way you look at him since years told me everything.”

**Past**

Arm was kind of busy these weeks. He was in a boyband now and his life was getting so interesting but also really exhausting. It didn’t matter, Arm wanted it to be this way and if he did something then properly.

He was delighted to hear that both Off and Tay received this small but nice moderator job and finally knew his friends found something they liked doing. They all managed to finish their study but that was what they really wanted to do.

“So how is it?” Arm asked excited and both Off and Tay just smiled.

“Great! Really cool crew and the other guys are really fun to work with.” Off agreed and told a funny story that happened today.

Arm listened but not fully. The story was directed at him of course, since Tay was part of it, but still Arm felt as if he wasn’t needed. And it was not a bad thing. It was just another time that Off and Tay spoke so intensely with and at each other that he felt unnecessary. The way Tay looked at Off all the time, not looking away only one second confirmed Arm’s assumption again.

Tay had a crush on Off.

This was so sweet that Arm nearly received diabetes by just thinking about it. But it was also really problematic since Off had a girlfriend and it was all going really well between them. Tay would never want to destroy it or make things complicated, Arm was sure about that, but still he shipped his two friends a little bit.

“That’s how New is Tay’s partner now.”

“He gets on my nerves, but it’s also enjoyable.”

“I am happy for you guys! I am glad you found such a cool job.”

They spent the rest of the evening drinking beer in Arm’s (very big and pretty) new apartment, laughing and talking until they fell asleep lying nearly on top of each other on the big couch. 

Arm woke up once this night, needing to pee really badly and tried to push Off off of him. He managed but saw that Tay was nearly falling of the couch now. A gentleman as he was, he rolled him over, hence closer to Off and Tay intuitively put an arm around his friend. Arm smirked and went to the toilet. 

As he was about to enter the living room again, he saw that Tay was awake. His eyes glittered a little with the moonlight shining into the room. He didn’t notice Arm and so Arm stopped and observed the situation. Tay was totally focused on Off, studying his face. First he was immobile but then a shy hand rose and found his way onto Off’s hair, patting it gently so that the guy wouldn’t wake up. 

Arm has never witnessed such a gesture in real life. This was a classic scene from a romantic series, he could picture this with sad music in the background, it was only missing that a single tear would roll down Tay’s cheek, because he knew his love wasn’t reciprocated. It didn’t happen though and Arm was glad, not wanting Tay to be desperate. Arm didn’t really know how far these feelings for Off went and so he couldn’t really judge, much less mention it to Tay.

So he decided to leave Tay and Off alone and hop into his cozy bed, where he fell asleep immediately.

**Present**

“You saw me that night?!?” Tay was hiding his face in his hands and looked really embarrassed.

“Man, I saw you looking at him that way at least three dozen times in all these years.” 

“Well yeah, seems fair, you are so close to us, but still it feels weird to know that now.”

“Don’t worry, it’s cute.”

“Cute?!” Tay blushed and shook his head.

Arm huffed and looked at Off who was silent after Arm told the little story. “Off?”

“Hmm? Yes…cute…” He was not fully present and Arm worried, but Off continued: “Sorry, I just feel a little bad, excuse me for a moment.” He rose and was gone towards the toilets.

“Did I say something wrong? I didn’t want him to feel overwhelmed by this story.”

“Don’t worry, I found it not bad. I mean it shouldn’t be worrisome for him, rather me. I don’t know if he is really okay with this…my feelings and let’s not forget his own feelings for Gun.” Arm furrowed his brows. This part of the story was weird anyway. Off having feelings for Gun was one of the least things he ever expected to happen.

“It’s strange but if you ask me, he doesn’t love Gun. I can’t judge of course, it’s his feelings, but I never received any signs from my outside perspective that he cared for him more than a very good friend and Phi. You know what I think? I think he projects something onto Gun.”

Tay looked confused and Arm couldn’t blame him, not understanding what he was saying himself, so he shrugged: “I don’t know. And how do you feel?”

Tay turned quickly to check if Off was coming back but he wasn’t. “I feel like shit. I kept these feelings hidden for years…years Arm! And now he knows about them, but nothing changed. I don’t know what I should do. I thought all my life that they would either vanish one day, alone or when Off finds a beautiful wife, or that I tell him, he hates me and we never speak again. But this situation now is shit.” Tay bit his lips and wiped away some wetness in his eyes. “I just want to finally have someone and- and I want it to be Off…I love him so much.”

“Tay it’s okay. I know what you mean, and I understand- oh Off is returning.”

They went silent and Off sat down again. “Sorry, I just…had to pee.”

Tay looked away and Off seemed lost as well. So Arm took the lead: “Guys we will buy some alcohol now!”

_POV Off_

Off couldn’t get drunk tonight. He was in a highly emotional state since Arm told them about the way Tay was acting towards him all this time. It hit Off in a way he couldn’t fully understand, but he knew alcohol wouldn’t help.

“Arm I don’t think-”

“Exactly, it’s time to not think for once.”

Arm pulled him and Tay in his apartment and started to get the couch comfortable and snacks ready. “Come on guys, let’s get down a little. It will help.”

Off looked at Tay, who was as skeptical as he was, but complied.

The evening started being fun, Off felt tipsy after one beer already, but it was indeed good.

It was only when a certain topic was addressed again, that the fun felt heavier than expected.

“Why do you love Gun huuh?” Arm was drunk and so his mouth just uttered everything he thought. Off wanted to ignore him, looking at his own drink, but then he saw Tay’s interested gaze on him and tried to think about it. “I don’t really know. I am happy around him and want to protect him. He is cute and pretty.”

“Tay is that as well! Tell me why Gun?”

“I don’t know, maybe because we are close and all the time together.” Off wanted to drop this now, he felt dizzy and pressured… 

“See, I am sure this happens with all couple partners at some point, would you even like him when you weren’t bond through work? Did-” Off wanted to leave and was about to stand up, when Tay interrupted Arm. “Man stop it!”

Arm raised his hands and took a big gulp of beer. “Sorry…”

“This was too harsh, Off you don’t have to give any justification.” Tay reached out to him and pressed his arm. Without thinking Off grabbed Tay as well and put their hands together. “Thanks…let’s talk about something else please.”

They changed topic without a problem and little by little they were all really drunk.

“You guys should talk again. I don’t think this is over yet…” So Arm rose, showed them a mini heart with his fingers and left them alone, more or less lying on the ground.

“Is he kidding me today? Why is he like that?”

“I don’t know, he has a lot to do, maybe the nerves.”

Off laughed and nudged Tay’s shoulder. “Come on sit up…” Tay tried but his head was spinning so that he had to lean on Off for a moment and pulled him backwards as he lost balance. “Uuii attention…” They both fell awkwardly and stayed like that, feeling way too dizzy. 

Off had his head on Tay’s chest said silently after a while: “This reminds me of the scene in the end of ‘Theory of Love’, where I am over Gun and kiss him. We fell in front of a sofa as well.”

Tay answered as silent as Off spoke: “Yes I know the scene. It’s incredibly cute.”

“Have you watched all my series with Gun?”

“Of course, why?”

“I just thought, maybe it hurts you.”

“Not really, you are a character in that moment and so it’s not you.”

“But it would hurt you in real life? When I kiss someone else...”

_POV Tay_

What was Off asking of him? Of course it would hurt him somehow, but what should he answer now? Tay closed his eyes and was drifting away a little when he suddenly felt the loss of Off’s heavy head on his chest. He was about to ask what was going on, when he opened his eyes and saw Off’s face only a few millimeters away from his own. The older one had his hands next to Tay’s head and was sitting on his lap, staring into Tay’s now wide-open eyes.

“I think I want to kiss you.”


	6. Just hold me now

“I think I want to kiss you.”

Tay didn’t really process what he just heard and Off staring at him, not doing or saying anything else didn’t help. Was he waiting for an answer?

“Can I?” Off asked then and Tay didn’t know what he should reply. He wanted it of course, but why on earth did Off want to do it. He didn’t have any feelings for Tay, did he?

Nonetheless Tay nodded and the next moment, he felt hot lips on his. He was surprised by Off’s doing and mainly the intensity of the kiss. Tay expected a peck or Off just testing if he liked it, but this was very much not innocent and so he moved his lips as well.

It was simply mindblowing. Tay’s heart was beating fast, his belly tingled and the taste on his lips was so delicious. He really tried to ignore the waves of arousal that were starting to hit him.

After a while Off stopped and leaned back, still sitting in Tay’s lap though.

Tay was yet not able to say something. He was in a state of total blankness. Neither good nor bad thoughts found their way into his mind, just some kind of calmness, mixed with satisfaction.

Off was a little more active in that area, he ran his hand through his hair and was visible thinking so hard.

“I am sorry. I didn’t- I don’t know…” Off paused but went on immediately, seemingly really stressed out. “I am just confused. Since that day, I was thinking about you so much and it didn’t bother me in a negative way. I just had the urge to be with you.”

What was the meaning of this? Should Tay take this as a good sign? Could Off be interested?

“Ok, then follow your urge please…please…” Tay grabbed Off’s waist an pulled him towards him again. “Please.”

He knew he begged and sounded desperate, but Tay was. He wanted to seize this chance, because maybe this was just happening because they were drunk, and he didn’t want it to have been the last time he felt Off so close.

“Okay…” Off whispered and leaned in again. This time it was way more coordinated, and Tay acted as well, pressing Off’s back down so that their chests fully touched. Off raised his hands and buried them in Tay’s hair, pulling slightly.

Tay tentatively opened his mouth and hoped Off would continue and intensify whatever he was doing. Gladly he did and sneaked his tongue into Tay’s mouth. It was fabulous, Tay didn’t know if all kind of kisses should feel this way or if it was so special for him because it was Off.

“Off…” Tay escaped the name as he grasped for some air and it seemed it pulled Off out of his trance.

“Sorry…” He stood up suddenly, gripping his head and leaving Tay totally confused and utterly happy lying on the floor next to him. “You don’t need to be sorry, I- I like it.”

“Of course you did, you like me, so you like this. But I-”

“So you didn’t like it?”

Tay furrowed his brows and straightened up. It didn’t seem as if Off was averse. “Your trousers say something else.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it…I simply don’t know what this is.” Off pointed on him and then on Tay while saying it and Tay understood that Off must be really overwhelmed by all of this.

It was nothing new for Tay, no situation he didn’t imagine ten thousand times. He was totally surprised but he imagined all kinds of things between him and Off already, so these feelings or anything developing were really normal.

But Off didn’t.

“Ok, no worries. We have time to find it out, together, okay?” Tay reached forward and grabbed Off’s hand.

“Thank you.” Off seemed emotional again and so Tay crawled closer and hugged him strongly.

After a while they separated and seemed to start being aware of their surroundings. On the table were standing empty bowls and bottles, while there were some chips on the floor. Arm didn’t return from where he went, probably sleeping like a baby in his cozy bed.

The room was dark, but Tay could see Off quite well. Off, who was staring at him again, without break and obviously thinking way too much again.

“Come let’s sleep. We have an intense ‘Friend Drive’ shooting after tomorrow and tomorrow we will be a mess anyway.”

Tay helped Off up and pushed him on the couch before joining him. It was a big sofa and so they could easily lie without touching. Tay thought Off might need distance but he was wrong.

As soon as they were settled Off scooted closer and hugged Tay. They looked at each other until Off asked silently: “What is love to you?”

_POV Off_

Tay was so cute when he didn’t know what to say. Off knew that he might have shocked his friend with tonight’s behavior, but he couldn’t not seize this chance. It helped him understand himself and since he was drunk, he was brave enough to act this way.

Tay gave him a smile. “Love is beautiful.”

“I know, but what comes along with it…what makes a feeling towards someone be called ‘love’?”

“The person makes me happy…I need to laugh with them. But more importantly I need them to be happy, try to make them smile. I love when you smile.”

Off felt his face heating up and Tay continued.

“I want to care for that person, but also want to be taken care off. You care so good for me Off, when I am an idiot again and not capable of looking after myself.”

“You care for me too often.” Off spoke without noticing, not really interrupting Tay, just stating silently while he remembered how considerate Tay was towards him.

“And lastly which plays a role as well, might be that I find the person attractive. It can develop with time and doesn’t have to do with looks or a type I prefer, but the moment a good friendship adds a physical attraction level, we could speak of romantic love.”

Off marveled at the words Tay found and smiled a little.

“Do you feel something like I described for Gun then?”

At the mention of his other friend’s name Off was somehow torn out of his bubble of admiration and he shook his head. “I am not sure. I totally care for Gun, he needs me and I love protecting him. Also he makes me laugh, but who doesn’t right? For the physical aspect I would say he definitely attracts me. I was a little skeptical about the ‘guy thing’, but he has so many properties we would call ‘female’ that I didn’t really doubted myself and I wouldn’t back of off a relationship with a guy.”

Off observed Tay while he talked and was glad the other one had a neutral face and didn’t seem to be hurt. Off huffed and smiled. “But when I think about it now, I didn’t really get these things back from Gun. From the outside it totally seems as if he has a crush on me, doesn’t it? So also I was deceived. But he never contacted me outside of work or did something with me. Our hobbies are way too different, so I can’t even blame him. I wonder if Arm was right and me and Gun wouldn’t even be friends if we weren’t a couple. An imaginary couple I mean. And about physical attraction Gun probably never really enjoyed my looks or my body, I am not very sexy.”

“That’s not true.”

Tay spoke finally but it seemed he also did it automatically, not able to hold back his disagreement.

“You are the hottest guy for me, so don’t say that it sounds so absurd.”

“Eeem, thanks I would say?” Off laughed and couldn’t believe this. “You look good as well.”

“You don’t have to say this.”

“But I want because I really mean it. I just never considered checking out my male friends, but you really are a fine guy. Big smile, amazing eyes, well build body and since you are my best friend, your personality is gorgeous anyway, otherwise we wouldn’t get along so well.”

Off hoped not to have gone too far, because he didn’t want to give Tay 100 percent sureness that they could be something more, although right now it really felt it could work.

“Thanks, that’s- so…kind of you.” Off heard Tay’s voice shake and came a little closer again.

“Is this okay?”

“Of course.” Tay really sounded as if he was crying and so Off pulled his head up again as Tay hid himself in his chest.

“Tell me when something is too much.” Off waited until Tay nodded and grabbed his face. Slowly he came closer and pressed a kiss on Tay’s cheek, trying to make the tears vanish. Tay escaped a shaking breath, but he seemed okay, so Off kissed him again on the same cheek before doing the same on the other side. 

Their noses were touching all the time and Off couldn’t remember the last time he shared such an affectionate moment with someone. He had the urge to kiss Tay’s forehead and eyes as well, showing him how beautiful he was. But before he could lean closer again, Tay put his hands over his and pulled them down.

Off wanted to protest, ask what the matter was, when Tay reached up and held Off’s face now.

“Shouldn’t I be the one showing you that I love you and not the other way around?” Tay said smiling and did the same thing Off did before. First cheeks, then nose and then his eyes were caressed with kisses. Then Tay kissed downwards again and ran over Off’s chin with his lips, kissing really close to his mouth. Off really wanted to turn a little and connect their mouths, but Tay continued the journey on Off’s face, kissing his jaw and coming dangerously close to his ears.

Off was sensitive at his ears.

“Tay!”

It was not disguisable that he was a little turned on again and Tay seemed not to be bothered, sliding closer if that was even possible and pressing Off tightly to his chest while he kissed harder. He had arrived at the spot where the jaw ended, and Tay’s nose was tickling Off’s earlobe. It was nearly too much.

“Tay…ahh…”

“Off…” Tay breathed into his ear and the husky voice made him shiver. “Do you want-”

“Yes, let’s not stop yet.”

Off didn’t know where this would lead, but his head and body screamed for more. And Tay gave him more. He pushed him a little so that Off found himself on his back and Tay on him, who attacked his neck again. Off was helpless. He was not used to be so passive, but he was way too overwhelmed to do anything. What he did automatically though, was hugging Tay and running his hands up and down his back.

After a while of getting indulged and rocking at each other, Tay stopped and seemed to look for an answer in Off’s eyes. Off thought he made it clear that he wanted this.

“You can do whatever you want, please don’t stop.”

Tay shook his head and placed a kiss on Off’s lips. They didn’t kiss at all this whole make out session, so this seemed way more intimate now then all they did before.

“I want to do things we both want to do, not only me.”

Tay kissed him again and Off willingly returned it with the same intensity. Their tongues met. It was a mess, a wet and hot mess, but Off loved it and didn’t want it to stop ever.

“So?”

Off remembered Tay wanted some reassurance that this was okay for him and so Off couldn’t hold back some teasing: “What I want is us to have hot and wild sex, apparently I enjoy you above me. I would love to try out so many things with you that will make us scream. I want us to come at the same time and sleep wrapped around you afterwards, but…” He paused shortly and continued more seriously: “I think these things should wait. This is very new to me and you never had a relationship before. Tay, we really should not rush, but please be assured that I want to try.”

Off couldn’t even remember the moment he realized he might have feelings for Tay or decided to give this a chance. He was just incredibly happy in this moment that he reached Tay’s condo that one night and the more he thought about this incident with Gun, the more he had to shake his head internally.

“That’s good, I am so happy, really!”

Tay hugged him and inhaled deeply, suddenly seemingly relieved. 

“We should sleep now.” Off started rubbing Tay’s back and since he didn’t receive an answer, he knew his friend must have fallen asleep. Asleep on him.

_Oh no…_

Tay was heavy but it was no problem for a while, but a whole night? Off would suffocate probably or throw him down unconsciously and he didn’t want to hurt him. Additionally there was a cozy guest room waiting for them. But should he wake Tay again?

With a lot of effort and acting like a fool, he managed to place Tay on his side and find space for himself too. He couldn’t leave him alone here and carrying was no option, so they had to sleep on the couch.

“Dork…” Off said with such an affection in his voice, that he was surprised by himself. How could his feelings for this guy change so drastically withing a few weeks? Was he so needy for love that he just developed them for whoever came to him? Not so probable since he didn’t crave for affection naturally, but here and now this felt just perfect. Off wanted to gaze at Tay longer but he felt his own eyelids get heavy and he drifted away with a smile of his lips.


	7. You're all the I want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION I uploaded two chapters today, so quickly check out the previous one if you missed it!
> 
> Also I didn't yet set this story in a specific time, but now I wanted to use the cute 'Friend Drive' episode (who is actually one of an OffGun shipping one, but hey there are two big OffTay moments nobody sees) and so here we are now setting this story in Septemeber 2020.

“Moooooorning!!” Off was startled and sat up. His head was spinning suddenly and a flashing pain went through it. He hated hangovers.

“Oiii Arm!” Tay next to him complained and buried his face in the sofa.

“Hello sleeping beauties. I thought it’s time to wake you. I am here for 2 hours and finished preparing breakfast. I watched you two cuddle long enough now, so get up.”

Off felt embarrassment creep into his face, knowing Arm saw them on the sofa cuddling.

“Tay…” Off shook his friend awake before standing up. “Uugh I feel so sick.” Off prayed not to vomit now. He was just incredibly hungry and so his stomach was rebelling.   
Combined with the headache he felt like shit. “I hate drinking. Why did I agree again?”

Arm was just smirking and Tay still trying to hide deeper in the sofa.

“We had fun, so don’t complain, rather eat my yummy food.”

Arm always cooked amazing, Off had to admit that and so they also managed to get Tay in the kitchen. He loved eating and the smell of scrambled egg helped a lot.

As they were sitting at the table Off was contemplating about the things that happened last night. He didn’t plan things to turn out that way, not at all. He didn’t plan to kiss Tay, didn’t plan on doing these things, but it just felt right.

“…at 8 am, so try to get in form today.”

“Yeah yeah…” Tay’s voice was really scratchy, and he was barely able to talk. Hopefully it would be better tomorrow…

Off only listened halfheartedly as Arm told Tay about their shootings the following days in Nakhon. It will be fun for sure, being with Tay and Arm was never boring and they were really professional so the takes will also work out very well. They had to stay the night in a hotel because they had so many sporty activities that didn’t fit in one day’s shoot. 

“So guys, I need to shower now, so you either leave or start cleaning up the living room.”

Off rose simultaneously with Tay and they spoke: “We leave!” Arm chuckled and helped them get their things.

“See you tomorrow and try to be fit.”

“I will do some exercise.”

“Tay as if…”

Tay walked with Off to his own apartment only one floor below. “So…see you tomorrow then?”

“Yes!” It was a little weird between them but Off decided to throw away his doubts and he hugged Tay, whispering in his ear: “I meant all I said yesterday, do you want to come in for a while?”

Tay tightened his hold around Off. “I would love to, but we have a lot to prepare for tomorrow so better not.”

“Okay that’s fine. See you then.” They separated and looked at each other shily, then Tay turned around and descended the stairs.

_POV Tay_

Tay was feeling unwell and tired all remaining day and his only motivation to do something else then sleep, was Off.

He couldn’t believe what happened the night before and still doubted it was real or that they really were trying to start something. Who was this guy and what happened to his ‘straight best friend who had a crush on Gun but isn’t gay’?

Tay tried to push away his ration and just enjoy what Off was offering.

So also the next morning, which came way too quickly, he found strength to get ready and arrive at GMMTV on time because of the fact that Off was there. Just his voice didn’t recover fully yet, but it should go away soon.

He and Off acted normally even before the shooting began and Tay was a little unsure on how to comport himself. But as the shooting started, he quickly forgot about his doubts and they had so much fun!

“Guuyys! I loved this!” Tay was so happy that he managed to drive the karts and he even liked it. As soon as the camera was off, he went to Off and hugged him, much to the older guy’s surprise.

“Hey hey…”

“This was so much fun I feel so revived.”

“That’s cute, I am very proud of you managing to drive. But I expected only the best from you anyway. We will drive the ATV now, so you’ll enjoy it too.”

Tay looked up and smiled widely, happy that Off was still holding him also if people were around.

“Wait are we cuddling?! I want too!” Arm came closer and put his arms around them. 

“Ok it’s enough, let’s get going!” A crew member said, and they hoped on the car. They ate a little snack in the meantime before starting the next sequence.

The ATP joke was scripted, so Tay new about it and could enjoy the idiocy of it.

The three of them might be one of the oldest but more childish than most of their friends. How to have so much fun on a simple motorbike? Maybe it was the company and the way the three of them pushed each other to be more foolish than the other one.

Tay was a little skeptical about the flying fox and in the end, he indeed panicked halfway, but hoped nobody saw and tried to cover his anxiety with talking – his best discipline.

He and Arm waited for Off and Tay was grinning from cheek to cheek as he saw what Off was doing in the air. He was just such a clown, but how could one not love his side? As he came closer, he and Arm opened their arms for Off to catch him and Tay would have loved to hold him for real. A hug would have been amazing since he felt the earlier shock still in his bones.

“I liked it!” Off seemed really into it and Tay wondered. “Did you like this activity?”

“No, I like you.”

What? This was not scripted. Whaaat?! Tay looked away feeling embarrassed but so flustered.

As if Off wanted to emphasize it, he added: “I really like you!”

“Cut! Wow, we need to see if we keep this last one. Though we’re making a lot of OffGun innuendos, so it shouldn’t be too bad to keep this one. Nobody would interpret too much anyway. So, we drive to the last activity for today now. There you can rest and then we start.”

The guys got rid of their chains and helmets and Tay’s mind was really unsteady. This confused him, why would Off say these things? 

“Tay…” Off was next to him and grabbed his hand.

He grabbed his hand?!

“Umm hi?”

“Are you okay? You look a little pale.” Tay felt Off’s hand pressing his, offering some reassurance and he felt better immediately.

“I was a little afraid halfway of the ride and then you say such things as ‘I like you’. I am just a little shaken.”

“Cute.”

“I don’t want to disturb your sweet moment, but the others left already.” Arm winked at them and Tay pulled away his hand but smiled at Off.

Tay felt such a difference in Off’s behavior towards him that he nearly found it scary.

Off hit him after he made a lame joke as usual, but then he reached out and caressed Tay’s shoulder! As if saying: hey I didn’t mean it. Tay knew that, always knew when Off was harsh, but seeing this now was a different kind of level. Off being gentle with someone was an honor.

The last challenge was easy and at the end of the day all three were just glad to arrive at the hotel. Tay didn’t really think about the upcoming night but now thought about how excited he was. The three of them shared a room of course as it always was.

“I take the single bed!” Arm threw himself on it and wiggled his eyebrows. “I know you must have talked the other night and solved the situation. You two act differently. But it’s good.”

“Yeah, we did.”

“You can tell me if you want.”

Tay looked at Off. He wanted tell Arm everything, but he simply didn’t know himself what they were now. Off took his hand and pulled him towards the bed, so they were sitting next to each other and facing Arm.

“I was really drunk and found the courage to try some things with Tay.”

“’Some things’? Don’t tell me you had sex on my sofa please.”

“Maaan, no!” Off squealed and grabbed Tay’s hand, before going on: “We kissed and I realized I’m able to develop feelings for him. Feelings who pass normal friendship love. I was confused but I liked the things we did.”

“This is amaaaazing!!” Arm suddenly jumped a little on his bed. “Aaah so cute! I knew this would happen sooner or later and I was right! I am so so happy for you guys.”

Tay was just smiling and didn’t process all this. He held Off’s hand tightly to show approval, but he couldn’t speak himself.

They unpacked their staff and used the bathroom after each other. They talked and laughed in the evening and went through the procedure of the next day.

When the light was out and the moon was shining into the room, Tay finally found time to fully think about what happened. He had Off next to him, his best friend he loved since forever and who felt the same?

“Off?”

“Yes?”

They turned to face each other and Tay felt the urge to smile again. He was so madly in love.

“I love you.” It left his mouth before he realized.

Off smiled and reached out to caress Tay’s hair. “That’s still very weird but thank you.” He slid closer and pressed a kiss on Tay’s lips. Tay was excited and kissed back scooting closer again. They kissed for a while, when suddenly Arm raised and said very loudly: “Okay I will leave this room! Arnon has still a spot left in his double bed. Have fun, but don’t forget we film tomorrow, so no visible evidence please.”

Before either of them could say something, Arm was gone. “He is such a drama queen.” Off laughed. “But it’s good to be alone now.” Off came closer, pulled Tay towards him until he was somehow lying on him again and placed kisses on his mouth and neck.

“I will make sure not to leave any bruises…” Off reassured and Tay simply nodded, started to give back some kisses too. Their crotches were dangerously close and Off’s hand near Tay’s ass.

Tay was about to cry.

“Please…Off…” Off understood and slipped his hands under Tay’s shirt, pulling it up and eventually throwing it to the ground, shortly followed by his own. They were lying next to each other again, not able to undress on top of each other.

“I never did anything with a guy. But I really want to make you feel good.”

“Well I have zero experience with both genders so I’m sure I will like everything you do, but please tell me what you like.” Tay felt blushing, saying such things out loud, but he really worried about this. It was clear where this would lead, both being visible hard in their boxers.

“You are amazing anyway.”

Off came closer and started kissing and licking at Tay’s neck again, roaming over his chest. The other hand was on his back and slid down towards the border of the last piece of clothing. Tay tried to imitate Off’s actions, especially the ones that felt so good, like the way Off’s nails scratched his nipple every now and then.

“Can I take them off?”

Tay nodded, wondering why Off even asked. He wanted this so much, always did.

Then they were naked and everything was blurred in Tay’s vision. Off pulled them closer and grabbed Tay’s cock. “Ahh!” Tay closed his eyes and his mouth gaped. This felt way better than touching himself.

“Good this way?” Off asked, obviously not sure as well. “Yes, very!”

So he stroked him first slowly then more sure and Tay wanted to touch Off too, but was somehow too overwhelmed to move. Off came closer then and tried to rub both their dicks in his hand. Although he wasn’t able to reach around them fully, it seemed to be enough.

After a few more minutes their moths found each other again and Off’s free hand reached into Tay’s neck to hold him. Tay felt so whole. He felt loved. 

“Tay…” Off released the kiss to breath and continued to penetrate his neck instead. 

It was too much then. Tay came and spilled over Off’s hand and their dicks. It was only one moment later that Off came too, pulling Tay’s hair a little.

“The mess though…” Off laughed and turned, trying to keep his dirty hand away. “I’ll be right back.”

Tay was not yet back to his normal state of mind, he wasn’t there anyway these days or weeks. He just had sex with Off in a hotel room when they needed to continue shooting tomorrow! This was madness.

“Here I come.” Off was carrying a wet towel and sat next to Tay on the bed. “You want-”

“I can do it thanks.” Tay flushed again and grabbed the towel to wipe off the remaining stains of cum on him. “Thanks really.”

“You’re welcome, now let’s sleep, it’s way too late already.”

Off slid into the bed again, obviously not minding putting on something again. Tay liked it better this way, he always slept naked when alone. 

“Thanks so much.”

“Stop thanking me, I had fun too you know.” Off winked and snuggled closer.

“I mean for everything, not just now. I can’t believe we ended up this way…I always wished, but-” Tay’s voice broke a little and some wetness found its way in his eyes.

“I have to thank you actually. Thanks for loving me all these years, also if I was stupid. This is all really new for me, but I trust you and I want you to be happy.”

“Just make sure you’re doing this not out of pity or to please me, I don’t want that.”

“No, I am pretty sure it’s not pity. I just never looked at you this way. But after that day so many possibilities rose and I just felt these new things.”

Tay smiled, glad that his tears faded. “You know, actually the person who deserves thanks is Gun.”

“Hmm, maybe…” Off sounded contemplative and Tay worried. 

“You still feel something for Gun, right?”

“I think yes. But that’s okay I guess. It’s not that I’m heavenly in love with him, it’s just some affection. But he has a boyfriend and me too, so nothing will ever happen.”

Tay heard it but at the same time he didn’t. He just couldn’t process this…his poor brain was totally at its end these days.

Did Off say he had a boyfriend?

“I am…your…boyfriend?”

“If you want to be yes. But I would be kind of confused if you say no, considering what we did earlier.”

_POV Off_

Suddenly Off was a little unsure. He thought it was him who could set the pace in this, since Tay loved him, but what if he was not ready yet for a real thing?

Tay nodded and hugged the guy in front of him even harder. “Of course I want!”

Off smiled and felt relieved as fuck, holding his best friend and partner in his arms until they dozed away.

They woke up before the alarm went off and cuddled some more until it knocked at their door. “Guys! Is it safe to enter? I need my cloths.”

“Aaaii Arm! Just come in.”

“Sorry, but I didn’t want to see you guys naked in some compromising position.”

Off threw his shirt towards Arm and made a face. “We saw each other naked already often and as it looks you have to get used to this, since me and Tay are a couple.”

“Uuuuuii a couple!? Omg distant Mr. Jumpol confessed to some cheesy relationship status! Wow Tay what did you do to him?!”

They laughed and got ready, suddenly being late as usual.

Their game for today just consisted of riding that boat, making jokes and then the last sequence driving home of course.

One thing that happened on the boat touched Off deeply, probably because it wasn’t scripted and caught him totally off guard.

“I want a stream like this at home! Let’s buy land by the water course!” Off meant it but also not really. Tay did though and answered silently: “Can we live together? We can be together forever.”

Off wanted to say _Yes we can, we will._ but held himself back. This was all not plan of the show and so he changed topic, talking about the temple.

Later in the car, as they finished filming their scene for the end of the show, Off glanced towards Tay, who was very silent.

“Hey, what you said earlier, did you mean just us two or should we take this dork with us?” Off smirked and indicated towards Arm, who looked up noticing they talked about him.

“What about me?”

“Tay wanted us to stay together forever, so I asked if he wants you too.”

“I didn’t mean- I was just in my thoughts while I said it, don’t worry.”

“I love the idea, Tay.” Off put his free hand on Tay’s thigh and stroked over it. “One day we will do it. Buy a land and live there together.”

“Shia, don’t say something like this. It’s too sweet, I am cringing. Also, we don’t know where life brings us. Maybe this won’t work out.”

“Don’t be so pessimistic, but I get you. Just that you know where I stand and that is next to you right now.” They looked at each other and Off was glad to have such an amazing car as the Nissan Almera so he could trust it to take care of the street for a moment.

“Oohh guys! I surely won’t stay together forever with you two if you eat each other with your eyes like this all the time.”

Off smiled sheepishly and leaned in to kiss Tay. It was just a peck, but it made Arm squeal in his fanboy mode, mixed with him being so done with his friends. Off giggled and looked back at the road.

_This is going to be a lot of fun._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to put product placement LOL

**Author's Note:**

> Title and chapter names from "Heaven" by Brian Adams


End file.
